My mom went home yesterday

And I was freaking ELATED. I mean, ELATED!. Grinning, laughing....my 14-year-old daughter called me a freak. But in a good way. LOL We were very close during my mom's visit. It's like we close ranks around each other when she is around. She had taken the train up here Thursday and went home Monday morning...

What can I say? You know how all the shrinks want to blame Mom? Yeah, well, they got that right. She's nuts. When I was 13 my dad explained to me that she has an alternate sense of reality. I think that was an extremely nice and low-key way to explain her. She remembers things differently. She tells stories....how would you like to grow up and NEVER know what in your childhood was real? Are you REALLY allergic to bees like you were told all your life? Did you REALLY have rheumatic fever?

Oh, and that wee instant of child molestation when I was a kid....it was always so casually mentioned in our house like hey, no big deal...and then my therapist asked me if some neighborhood boy did that to YOUR daughters or granddaughter what would you think? I started crying and said, HELL YES. I WOULD THINK THAT SHE WAS HURT AND WE SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT.

And she was, what do I call it?, slap happy. Dear God...I had a friend and years later when I would be talking to her......and if I had a bloody nose..she would say....Kriss, you been talking to your Mom again?" and we would laugh. My ex thought we were "sick" and I told him. Jerkface (my name for him on the net) you don't get it. She was there all those years and must have seen me get smacked a hundred times....She GETS it. Humor is what gets you through the crap.

When my oldest, Sarah, was giving me a bad time one day....my mom grabbed her, took her to the bathroom and asked her to look at her ugly face? Did she want to grow around sneering like that? And I was like, MOM! Stop it..but nothing works on her. And if you call her on it...if you try to talk to her about something she has done? She freaking has NO CLUE. I always wondered if that was the mentally unstable in HER.....or just some mean ass manipulation.

My kids ask....why can't we have a nice Grandma? Um...because I didn't have a nice Mom?

My kid

Our house has gotten to be one big anger zone.

We have a 14-year-old girl/woman/monster/angel/smart/smartASS living in the house with us. My poor husband is clueless. Seriously. For one thing, MOST of the time she saves the crap for me. Yeah, I know this so well. I was a daddy's girl. One time my husband asked me something about if I couldn't just take a breath and get this, had I tried to reason with her? YA THINK? Strange but he hasn't brought that one up again.

AND we have a 24-year-old daughter who made it through to the other side. We are close...I don't know HOW close we would be if it wasn't for that memory thing. You know the memory thing...the thing that keeps you having kids because you don't REALLY remember childbirth..same with my oldest daughter and me. I have vague memories of screaming, crying, throwing things, wanting to run away. And that was just me. God knows what her end is all about. One day after the younger one said something that actually implied I was STUPID!!! my oldest said (get this) I can't believe she talks to you like that.. Uh-huh.

So this one? WORSE. I kid you not. She stood there today and told me she wasn't going to school today. AND...AND....AND.....she said NO to me. I told her to do something and she said NO. WTH? I must be hallucinating, right? My mom would have smacked me so hard that I would have hit the wall and slithered to the ground in a lump.

That is probably the problem. Mom DID hit me and I can't hit my kids, including spanking. I WILL NOT BE MY MOM I WILL NOT BE MY MOM.

But does thinking about it count? Remember what they said about Jimmy Carter and his lusting after oh, who remembers who? Just that he THOUGHT about it and was the freaking president. I looked at her and I swear I was shaking...

Now don't go calling children's services or anything. We are fine. She went to school and she came home IN A GOOD MOOD and now things are just great.

Still......there is tomorrow morning...who will come out of that bedroom? It's a mystery to us all.....

ABC sucks....well, most networkds do.....but ABC more :)

I think TV is definitely at an end as I knew it. Shows are cancelled before they have a chance to even take off. Which is not to say I want to go back to where we had years and years and years of Laverne and Shirley or something.....(no offense to the fans) but at least FREAKING FINISH THE SHOW. Give us an ending. Case in point, Pushing Daisies.....the episodes are filmed. Let's see them. And Invasion? What happened?

And now? What is with this crap of stopping and starting shows.....what happened to watching every week with baited breath to see what was happening next? Um, we love that you watch our show but will you mind if we uh, take a 5 week hiatus and then start again. How many times now do I turn to my husband, or vice versa, and say, what happened to so and so? Or what was it they did before? BECAUSE I FORGOT. Yes, I lost track.

I like the fall season that ends in May. I even liked having garbage on all summer so I didn't WANT to watch TV in the summer...

I feel like someone with the attention span of a toddler is running the networks.

And don't even get me started on reality TV. What next? Kindergarten classroom? Life working at Blockbuster? Or maybe they can do one on me? SAHM with partial agoraphobia/PTSD?

Therapy or allergy treatments for my daughter?

Simply put.......another one of those choices you make as a parent. You give up things having kids. Most of us do. Not so many fancy restaurants or nights alone.

I was sure we were in a position for me to start therapy and spend the bucks needed. I was sure I could handle the guilt required to spend the money. Sure, we are insured. But still 40 bucks a session.

But my daughter got to the point where breathing was an issue. And these shots are 40 dollars a week. So there is no question. Even if the title of my post makes it seem like there was a question.

I will miss my therapist...we were getting places. You are allowed to be sad about these things without being a bad mom, right?

What is a blogger?

I confess. I started this account because you get extra entries for some blog contests. Cool enough. And I use it for two things.....contests and the occasional ramble. And most of them are out there......talking about the shit in my life most of which is messed up right now.
But lately there has been this talk online. And it reminds me of the working mom/SAHM thing I have heard for years. She works and doesn't take care of her kids/she stays home because she is lazy/stupid, etc. NOT my opinions by the way....just cheap ass generalizations.

Now it is bloggers/sweepers. YES, not ALL but enough. Bloggers, I hear tell, are making disparaging remarks about some sweepers..probably the ones that annoy me, too. Don't listen to rules, try to cheat, etc etc. Sweepers are making fun of some blog contests....they want the big stuff. And some have legitimate complaints about being treated poorly by bloggers.

I sweep. I enter hundreds of contests a day. If I am lucky I get enough to keep my teenage daughter happy, surprise my granddaughter, help out my other daughter, etc. Because of me my husband and daughter have ipods AND docking stations. From contests.

My granddaughter has Pedipeds and Boon stuff.....from blogs.

I think it is pretty cool. I like sweeping and do it 7 days a week. Sometimes I am exhausted, even sick, but I do it. Persistence, patience, diligence.
Leftover time for facebook, very little blogging, and FNF.

My family supports me fully, why wouldn't they? A few years ago when my husband was out of work for over half the year I won 25 grand. Yes, I cried. Yes we got out of debt. Sometimes it is great like that sometimes not. And while I am happy enough doing what I do I don't necessarily advertise it to the 'real' world. It is a bit hard to explain to some moms.

Again I am drawn to the phrase why can't we all just get along? Sweep, blog, whatever..and btw, I have "met" some freaking amazing people by reading their blogs. And a couple that I thought ??? what did I do to you? You know what? It is just like the 'real' world. Good people/bad people. Nice people/rude people.

I try to be good, nice and yes, a lot of the times a bit on the odd side.