Saturday, October 24, 2009

What makes a blog?

Yes, I am thinking about other people's blogs again.

Do you have to have a giveaway to be a blog?
Do you have to have ads?

Mine is more a journal. I follow several blogs and some I
even read daily. I have a favorite: Scribbit..but I have
several others I really enjoy as well.

Sometimes I feel like a failure. Not too many followers. Not
that it matters. If I had a lot I would probably freak out and
feel pressured to give away something...the Queen Latifah CD my mom
brought me and I don't know WHAT to do with..if I open it and
don't like it (I like her as an actress) then what could I do with
it? Or one of the zillion makeup products I win and shove in a drawer?
Yeah, I thought not. :)

So I have been preoccupied with my father. He supposedly has but
a few months left and I have visited 3 times this year. The drive to
California and back is 18 hours each way but for him, I don't mind. Now
it is time for just Bill and I to go. No kids or grandkids. I am THINKING
Thanksgiving. I can't remember the last time I spent that holiday with him.
But it would mean Thanksgiving away from the kids and my granddaughter. I
have all but made up my mind to do so. If you believe his doctors then it will be
his last. I am thinking about buying a pre-made dinner like I see every year
and wonder who buys them? He has a small kitchen and this way less time cooking,
less mess, no stress.

The worst part of all this is that he tells me how he wants things: he can't
deal with any issues I might have with this. He can't be worried about my
feelings. He needs me to be strong. I get it. I do. It REALLY is all about
HIM. But I am his only child, his daughter. And I KNOW I am FIFTY but some
part of me is still his little girl. I want his respect, his approval (this
makes him annoyed) and I lean on him sometimes.

I can't type any more. It is too hard tonight. So there it is. It ISN'T always
about me. Sometimes it's about fathers.